What Your Child Treasures

What are your kids interested in? What do they think about? Where do they spend their money? What do they want to do? Jesus said that "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (matt 6:21) Most of the time the activities our children chose indicate what they treasure.

Because the heart and behavior are closely linked, parents can look for things their kids can do that will encourage healthy heart change. Desires, hopes, dreams, and wishes start in the heart and then come out in a child's conversation. 8 year old Mike talked about becoming a pastor someday. He asked lots of questions about what pastors do and how he could become one. At home, however, he often got angry and hurt others with his words. He had a bad attitude toward his parents when they asked him to do something. And he spent a lot of time playing video games.

This was an opportunity to help him on a heart level. He desired to do something good but couldn't see the inconsistencies in his life that were preventing movement toward his goal. We could go to Mike and say "Mike, I hear you want to become a pastor. That's a great goal. In fact, you'd make a great pastor because you're friendly and outgoing. But I see a couple of problems that might slow you down along the way. Would you like to know what those are? Well, I notice you have a hard time obeying your parents sometimes, and you have a problem with anger. Those two things will get in the way of your goals." Also suggest that Mike should spend some time reading the Bible instead of dedicating his time to video games.

He will be ready to make the changes because children invest in the things that are in their hearts. Part of our job as parents is to inspire our children with a bigger vision for life, giving them something to set their hearts on.

If the things your child values aren't helpful, look for ways to limit them. One mom said, "We set a time limit on computer games because we saw they were consuming hours of our son's time. It's helped us in two ways. First, he's started building friendships with more children in the neighborhood. We've enjoyed watching him develop these relationships. But also we've been able to use the computer games as a privilege to help motivate him to treat us kindly. He knows we don't tolerate disrespect and that he may lose the little time he has on the computer if he isn't careful.

Look for ways to guide your children into constructive and helpful activities, hobbies, and relationships. Sometimes you'll have to limit certain activities, but look for positive ones to replace those you're taking away. Try to attract your children to good choices by providing opportunities they'd enjoy. One dad gave his daughter a Christian-music sampler CD because she believed all Christian music was boring. When she heard some of the new songs, she realized many Christian artists actually sang the kind of music she liked. Dad looked for ways to encourage his daughter's interest in Christian music by sharing information about local concerts, special CD deals, and giving her music for her birthday.

Another dad felt uncomfortable about the amount of time his son was spending with neighborhood friends. When a Christian martial arts group started at church, he got his son involved. New friendships developed that replaced those from his neighborhood.

By adjusting what your children do, you can influence what they enjoy and eventually what they treasure. If they develop longings and desires to to the right thing, their choices will reflect those good values.

Sometimes simply providing different choices guides your child into more healthy heart situations, but other children seem to have a bent towards treasuring the wrong things. Or, they may want to spend hours in activities that aren't bad in themselves, but you know don't contribute to their maturity and growth. You may have to use a combination of approaches, including setting down some firm limits to guide your child in the right direction. That's part of the hard work of parenting, but it's not optional. Be creative, and look for alternatives, but recognize that, if achild isn't responding, you may have to provide parental control. Don't be afraid to take a stand to redirect your child into more healthy choices.