What Your Child Treasures

What is your child interested in? What does he think about? Where does she spend her money? What do your kids like to do? Jesus said, “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21).

Most of the time the activities our children choose indicate what they treasure. Because the heart and behavior are closely linked, parents can look for things their kids can do that will encourage healthy heart change. Look for ways to guide your children into constructive and helpful activities, hobbies, and relationships.

Sometimes you’ll have to limit certain activities, but look for positive ones to replace those you’re taking away. Try to attract your children to good choices by providing opportunities they’d enjoy. By adjusting what your children do, you can influence what they enjoy and eventually what they treasure.

Sometimes simply providing different choices guides your child into more healthy heart situations, but other children seem to have a bent towards treasuring the wrong things. Or they may want to spend hours in activities that aren’t necessarily bad in themselves, but you know they don’t contribute to maturity and growth. You may have to use a combination of approaches, including setting down some firm limits to guide your child in the right direction.

That’s part of the hard work of parenting, but it’s not optional. Be creative and look for alternatives, but recognize that, if a child isn’t responding, you may have to provide parental control. Don’t be afraid to take a stand to redirect your child into more healthy choices. After all, too much of a particular thing can have an unhelpful affect on the heart.

Eleven Categories of heart gifts you can give to your children.

Not all of these work with every child, but with a little experimentation, you'll find ones that will connect with your kids in significant ways. These ideas are just meant to get you started. Create a list that contains ways to connect emotionally with each child. Doing these things one-on-one helps tremendously, so plan some time with each child alone. You may want to set a goal of ten minutes a day or an hour or two a week. Undoubtedly your life situation and child's needs will help dictate what's reasonable for you, but remember that it's always a challenge to move from the status quo. Stretch yourself in some new ways, and you and your child will both benefit.

1. Talking. Tell stories about interesting things that are happening in your life. Children often like to hear you describe events from your own childhood. Don't feel like you have to tie a lesson into the story. Just tell it to them as if you were relating the details to a friend. Talk about their childhood, too. Kids love to hear about what they were like as babies and young children.

2. Listening. Your kids have stories, too. Ask questions and take an interest in their activities and their day. Ask them about favorite things they enjoy and let them share their opinions. Once they start talking, draw them out with more questions. Ask your child for advice and genuinely listen.

3. Touching. A hug or a gentle hand on a shoulder communicates warmth and love. Try moving out of your comfort zone by giving a hug when you otherwise might not. With practice, you'll learn how and when to touch your child.

4. High-energy activities. Kids love excitement. Play games with them. Preschoolers love hide and seek. Play with lots of energy and even silliness. Older children often enjoy interactive, fast-paced card games. Some children prefer to watch and others prefer to play. Look for exciting activities to enjoy together.

5. Interests. What does your child like? Children may be interested in animals, airplanes, cooking, or race cars. Look for ways to share your child's interests. They may not be your favorite, but they become bridges to a greater sense of closeness.

6. Special treats. Gifts of love don't have to cost a lot of money. Buy your son's favorite ice cream or pick up some corn on the cob because you know he likes it. Give your daughter the fancy little flashlight that came in the mail. Stop on the way home for a milk shake or check out a book from the library you know your child will enjoy.

7. Partnering. Find a service project you can do together. Team-teach Sunday school, make a meal and deliver it to a friend who's sick, visit with nursing-home residents, or fix a car. Find a task and work at it together as teammates. Consider allowing the child to lead and you be the assistant.

8. Praise. Offer genuine praise for a job well done. Communicate gratefulness and affirm growth in character you see in your child. If someone gives you a good report about your child, pass on the praise. Admire something about your child and communicate it.

9. Fun. Be silly, tell jokes, or wrestle with your kids. Be playful. Use squirt guns, run around the house, play it up, and generate a fun moment.

10. New times in a child's life. The first day of school, the trip to the orthodontist for braces, setting up a bank account, a girl's first period, or a first airline flight all can set the stage to connect emotionaly. Be there and available to share the moment.

11. Traumatic events. A bad grade, an unfair teacher, a trip to the emergency room, or the death of a pet all provide opportunities to develop closeness. Remember that the most important thing isn't fixing the problem, it's restoring the heart.

In short, enjoy your kids and have fun with them. Take an interest in their lives. If you don't feel like it, do it anyway. Your kids need your playfulness, love, affection, and joy. When you give to your kids, you contribute to their well-being and your family's strength. Yes, it's sacrifice, but the time you put in now will go a long way toward reducing friction when it's time to confront or discipline.

How to Connect Emotionally with Your Kids

You must be proactive to maintain closeness with your children. Start by asking yourself the important question, "How does my child like to be loved?" Your son may enjoy cuddling, a back rub, or a big hug, because physical touch communicates love to him. Your daughter may thrive on affirmation, because she longs for Mom or Dad's approval. Another child may just enjoy talking and being with you, playing a game, reading a book, or watching TV together. Each child is different. If you have trouble knowing what helps your children feel loved, ask them. They often have insights that get you thinking in the right direction.

Closeness with children is important in and of itself, but it doesn't stop there. Once you open a window of emotional closeness, you earn the right to communicate more directly to your children's hearts. They're more willing to hear you out or enter into conversation about sensitive issues. Be cautious, though. An open heart is a fragile place. Some parents go in with swords and clubs where tweezers are needed. A heart closes much faster than it opens, so be careful with the opportunities you have.

One mom told this story: "Every time I asked my five-year-old, Jason, to do anything, he resisted me. He argued, complained, and had a bad attitude. I wasn't getting anywhere with him, and our relationship seemed to be getting worse. Then he got sick. It was just the flu for a couple of days, but during that time he wanted me to hold him and cuddle with him. He just seemed to soak in the affection. I felt like we connected on a deeper level during those moments.

After he was well again, he seemed to be more responsive to me for about a week. Then old patterns returned. I decided to try something. One afternoon I asked him if he'd like me to rock him in our rocker. Surprisingly, he said yes. For about twenty minutes he seemed to cherish the attention. Amazingly, he was more responsive to me the rest of the day. In fact, I felt more nurturing to him as well, and I'm sure that came across in my attitude toward him. I think we both need for me to hold him often. The cuddling contributes to greater cooperation between us."

Some parents have a natural ability to communicate effectively. Often in a family, one parent finds this easier than the other. Learn from each other what works, and respect the communication skills each parent has. Over the years you'll probably go back and forth with the ability to get close to your kids. Sometimes you'll connect with one kid in a special way, but then turn around and try to connect with another child, it just doesn't seem to work. Kids aren't cookie dough, waiting to be pressed into shape. The family dynamic is always in flux and we, as parents, must be ready to adjust.

In the continuing search for practical suggestions for achieving emotional connectedness, there are several categories. In the next post I want you to view these as gifts you give to your child. Sometimes these gifts are tangible, like a toy, new clothes, or an unexpected activity. However, unless the gift matches a desire in their hearts, children may not appreciate the gesture of kindness.

Furthermore, some children are demanding, always asking for more and wanting things they can't have. At those moments, it's tempting for parents to give in for the sake of relationships. That's rarely helpful; instead, those gifts tend to feel an indulgent attitude and compromise standards and values. When children are demanding, they need more limits and more "no" answers to their requests.

But even these children need gifts of love. The intangible gifts we give our children usually touch the heart more effectively than the tangible ones. Kids need gestures of kindness, such as making their favorite dinner or giving a back rub.

Next post we will talk about eleven categories of heart gifts you can give your children.

Use Open Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are great tools for teaching children how to think and for getting quiet kids to talk more. An open-ended question is one that requires a longer answer than "yes," "no," or "I don't know."

"What seems to be the matter?" "What are you going to do about it?" "Why is this happening?" When children respond with "I don't know," be careful about launching into a lecture. Lectures can hinder the process of discovery.

Rachel's mom may see her withdraw from the other children and say, "Rachel, it looks like you're having a problem. Come tell me about it." Each child handles frustration differently. Some children will come to parents to solve their problems. Others will just live with the frustration of having them unsolved. Either way, asking open-ended questions can help to move children through a problem-solving process.

If you see your child struggling with a friend, you may say, "Is everything alright?" If Bobby comes to you, reporting that he can't find his boots, you might ask, "When did you have them last?" Or if Kelly complains that she has nothing to do, you could ask, "What kinds of things do you like to do?"

The goal is to get children thinking for themselves, not just wallowing in the problem or bringing it to you for you to solve. The child who has math homework but left the math book at school, you might say, "Wow, that's a problem. What are you going to do?" Or, "Yes, you have a problem. What are you going to do about it?"

The goal isn't harshness but just solving children's problems isn't helpful either. Open-ended questions can do a lot to get conversations started so that real dialogue and teaching can take place.


This parenting tip comes from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Should You Give Rewards Equally?

Rewards can be helpful at times to encourage growth in character. If you have a daughter who continually interrupts, you may focus on the character quality of thoughtfulness. You may set up an alternative behavior so that whenever she feels like interrupting, instead of just talking, she puts her hand on your arm as a signal that she wants to talk. You might then put your hand on her hand indicating that you have "heard" her and that you will allow her to speak in just a moment. It's a great technique to teach thoughtfulness. What if the child is still having a hard time not interrupting? You may try a reward to raise the stakes for your daughter and get her over the initial hump to learn a new pattern.

Be sure though as you work with habits of behavior like this you're also talking about the heart. "I appreciate the way you're becoming more thoughtful." Or, "We're doing this to develop some self control in your relationships."

Sometimes parents struggle because when they reward one child, they feel they need to reward all their children. Should you reward one child when you don't reward the other? This thought comes from the belief that fair means equal. Children often point out what they view to be inequity in a situation and call that unfair. But children are all unique. Each child has different strengths and weaknesses, and should be treated uniquely. Parents get into real trouble when they try to treat all their kids equally.

Teach your children that you don't even try to treat them the same. If a brother sees his sister receiving a reward, and he wants one too, then you might say, "Your sister is working on something in her life and the reward is for her progress and effort. If you want to work on a character quality in your life, let me know and I'll think of a reward for you too." Don't be motivated by the "It's not fair" complaint. That's just an indication that children don't understand what fairness really is.

Fairness treats all children according to their needs, which usually isn't equal. Each child needs to feel loved and cared for. Each child needs to work on particular issues. Focus on each of your children as individuals and reward them according to their needs.

Should I Make My Kids Apologize

Often reconciliation requires that an offender come back to try to make things right. How do we teach children to handle these situations? Saying "I'm sorry" is a reflection of an emotion that one feels inside. If a child truly feels sorrow for doing the wrong thing, then saying, "I'm sorry" is certainly appropriate. Sometimes children don't believe they’ve done anything wrong. Or they believe that the person offended was also wrong or was the instigator. Of course, even when children believe that they’ve been treated unfairly, they’re still responsible for their part of the problem. A sarcastic answer or a returned punch can't be excused because the other person started it.

To avoid having children say one thing (I'm sorry) while feeling something different in their hearts, we encourage children to say, "I was wrong for… Will you forgive me?" This statement doesn't require an emotion but is an act of the will. A child should be required to take responsibility for an offense whether it was provoked or not.

Be careful about disciplining only one child in an argument. Both are usually at fault in some way. Trying to figure out who started it rarely leads to peace. Victims are often instigators. Discipline children separately and teach them each how to respond to offenses. When they make a mistake teach them how to admit it and ask for forgiveness.

Of course, older children can learn to say, "I'm sorry" even if they aren't at fault. Sometimes we say it because we're wrong and know it. Other times we apologize because we truly are sorry that the relationship is damaged and we’re saddened that the other person is in pain. That's a great concept to teach teens.

Teaching children to admit mistakes and seek to make things right is an important part of correction. In fact, correction teaches us all valuable things. It’s often in the correction times that heart moments happen.

It's Not Complete Without...

Discipline has some similarities to working on a craft. How many times have you started a project but left it unfinished? You could spend a lot of time painting a picture or doing some needlework but you won't be able to fully enjoy it until it's framed and hung on a wall.

Discipline needs to be framed, finished off and completed with a Positive Conclusion. It's not enough to just give a consequence and think you're done. Some parents feel like they’ve fulfilled their responsibility or done their duty by simply sending children to their rooms or taking away a privilege.

Unfortunately, there is often tension left in the relationship, the child may walk away angry, children may feel guilty, or true repentance may not have taken place. This leaves room for anger or even bitterness to linger. The child may plan revenge. "I'll show you. I just won't talk to you. You'll be sorry then." Day after day, year after year, these tensions grow into layers and layers of walls between you and your child.

A Positive Conclusion is a discussion you have with your child after the consequence has been given. It helps children understand what they did wrong, why it was wrong and what they can do differently next time. The Positive Conclusion is a reaffirmation of the relationship and a confidence that the child can do better. The Positive Conclusion is so important you should use it to end every discipline situation.

God had a Positive Conclusion with Adam and Eve. He gave the consequence, sending them out of the garden, but he then made clothes for them and gave them a hopeful promise of the future. We can do the same thing for our children by giving them a hope and a plan for the next time they are in the same situation that caused the problem.

This idea was taken from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Failing By God's Standards

If we were to gauge how well we're doing in this regard, the outcomes might startle you. Consider these findings from a recent survey of children between the ages of eight and twelve.

1. Most of our children are biblically illiterate, which will become clear to you as you read this blog. Their ignorance of Bible teachings corresponds to the fact that only one-third (36 percent) of our adolescents fully believe that the Bible is accurate in all of the principles it teaches.

2. Few of our children are motivated to share their faith in Christ with others. Less than one out of every five (19 percent) contend that they have a responsibility to evangelize their peers.

3. Not even half of our young people (46 percent) state that their religious faith is very important in their lives.

4. Few of our children take Satan seriously. Only one-fourth of them (28 percent) completely dismiss the idea that Satan is symbolic, instead believing that the devil is real.

5. Salvation baffles most of our young ones. Only two out of every ten reject the idea that good people can earn their way into heaven. And only three out of every ten dismiss the belief that everyone experiences the same postdeath outcome, regardless of their beliefs. In fact, only two out of every ten adolescents (21 percent) strongly disagree with the statement that people cannot know for sure what will happen to them after they die.

6. Most of our kids are willing to entertain the idea that Jesus Christ sinned while He lived on earth. Only 44 percent outright dismiss the idea.

7. The majority live for things other than loving God with all their hearts, minds, strength, and souls. Specifically, only four out of ten live with that purpose in mind.

8. Three out of four young people reject the notion that there is no such thing as God. However, not only is that lower than expected based upon adult surveys, but fewer young people today- only 58 percent- believe that God is the all-knowing, all-powerful creator of the universe who still rules His creation. That result is lower than any we have seen in the last quarter century of survey work. A similar percentage (about six out of every ten) believes that God originally created the universe.

9. Only one-third of America's adolescents ardently contend that Jesus Christ returned to physical life after His crucifixion and death on the cross.

10. By their own admission, our children are confused theologically. Based on their reaction to statements like "It doesn't matter what religious faith I follow because they all teach similar lessons," it's clear that they do not know what to think about competing worldviews and belief systems.

Add to this last fact that national surveys of thirteen year olds reveal that most of them think they alrady know everything of significance in the Bible (hence, they are no longer open to learning or actively studying the Scriptures). Also, most of them have no intention of continuing to attend a church when they are in their twenties and living on their own.

In addition, consider that fewer than one out of every five parents of young children believe they are doing a good job of training their children morally and spiritually. In fact, when asked in a national sample of adults with children under eighteen to rate their parenting performance on fifteen different indicators, parents ranked their efforts related to morality and spirituality at the bottom of the list.

What does this add up to? A crisis.

You Get What You Measure

Think about it. What do we seek to provide for our children? We want them to be happy, safe, comfortable, good citizens, educated, religious, and fulfilling their potential. The criteria parents use to determine the condition of their children are substantial. Most parents would examine the state of their children and conclude they are:

* Provided with their basic needs: food, clothing, shelter
* Physically healthy
* Performing at or beyond their grade level
* In a secure and comfortable home
* Monitored and cared for by parents
* Involved with church services and programs
* Connected to decent friends
* Not involved in gangs
* Not taking drugs
* Not alcoholics
* Not out-of-control sexually
* Not involved in a cult or in satanic activity
* Not the victim of physical or emotional abuse
* Without a criminal record or related problems

These measures are meaningful-as far as they go. But here's the invisible problem that hampers the development of America's children: We are measuring their well-being based upon the wrong standards. Without realizing it, we have made ourselves the judge and jury of what is right and wrong, good and bad, useful and useless in relation to our children's lives.

You are not likely to get the right outcome if you base your actions on the assessment of the wrong things. Yet when it comes to raising our children, Americans have created a matrix of measurements based upon what our society defines to be significant. We gather the raw data for those indices based upon the best information we are able to capture from the ever-present, omniscient mass media. We analyze what we learn based upon our standards and make corrections as needed. The result, of course, is that our children are constantly receiving "the best care" available.

Think about the process for a moment. We have replaced God with ourselves, usurping leadership over our children's circumstances. We have ignored God's Word when it comes to determining how well we're doing, believing that if our conditions meet the social norms, we're most likely in compliance with God's expectations. And we make our judgments and comparisons on the basis of the popular wisdom and criteria dispensed by a mass media that is run for profit by groups of people who have no intention or desire of pleasing God or meeting His standards through the material they produce and distribute. With that in mind, it would not be hard to challenge some of the common thinking about the "okayness" of our children.

For instance, we could note the decline in educational performance: Reading skills are declining, writing skills are abysmal, math ability is below par, and science knowledge is lacking. We could expose the percentages of teens and adolescents having sexual intercourse, smoking, drinking, using drugs, or being victimized by violent crime. Some of the rates of activity in these areas have declined in recent years, but millions and millions of our children remain caught up in such lifestyles. We could harp on the 13 million children who live in poverty, or the 18 million who are being raised by a single parent. We could highlight the issue of physical health, focusing on the 12 million children who are overweight, or the millions of children (particularly girls) who wrestle with anorexia and bulimia, or the 8 million children who receive subpar heath care because they have no health insurance. But that would be missing the point, too.

What is the point? That God is the absolute judge of how well our children are doing, that His standards examine the character and faith of our young people, and His ways are often not facilitated by many of the activities we promote or endorse, regardless of our ignorance or good intentions.

You get what you measure. If you want intellectuals, measure their exposure to complex information and ideas, and their performance on sophisticated tests. If you want great athletes, evaluate how committed they are to advanced physical training and how superbly they perform in sporting competitions. If you want relational people, determine how connected and popular they are among their peers.

What does God measure? Our hearts. He created us to love, serve, and obey Him. So He studes the indicators of our devotion to Him. As parents, then, our job is to raise spiritual champions. That does not mean we are supposed to ignore the significance of developing our children's intellectual, emotional, and physical dimensions. But it suggests that we have to see the bigger picture of God's priorities and raise our children in light of His standards, not ours or society's.

A Crisis in American Parenting

Parenting is hard work with no guarantees. You probably know people you respect or look up to whose efforts in raising their children you have admired- only to find out later that their children did not turn out as expected. Likewise, you may have read some of the acclaimed manuals on how to be an influential parent, only to find that the advice dispensed did not produce the desired outcomes.

This parenting stuff is tricky business. What makes it especially difficult is that the rest of our lives do not stop in the midst of these efforts, enabling us to give our undivided attention and full energy to raising our children. Sadly, helping our kids develop is just one of the tasks in the huge amount of things we juggle every day.

What makes this task most difficult, though, is that for those of us who have decided to follow Christ as our only hope for gaining truth, purpose, direction, and eternal security, there is no obligation that has greater significance than parenting.

None.

If you're like most parents, you feel you're doing an okay job, based on your own standards- and you're likely to believe that you're certainly doing better than most other parents in the country. You do what you can to provide the best for your young ones. You can't be criticized for not trying: You work hard, you provide a good life for your kids, and you are committed to providing them with what you had growing up and more. You involve the kids in a variety of activities, monitor their whereabouts, and take care of their health. Nobody can accuse you of being a slug when it comes to parenting.

As you examine the state of the nation, you recognize that many-maybe even most-children are not as fortunate as yours. Most kids do not have parents who love them and take care of them like you do yours. Most children do not conduct themselves as well as yours. And most children do not have the exposure to religious training that yours receive in church and through other programs and events.

But you'll get what you measure and well talk about that next time.

Connecting Emotionally Opens Other Doors Too

One reason connecting emotionally is so important is that the heart is also a person's spiritual center; that's why God chooses to live there. It's also where we can impact our kids spiritually. When you connect with your children on an emotional level, they're more willing to listen to spiritual truth and less resistant to your leadership.

When children are asked who they talk to when they're upset, answers very greatly. Some children talk to their friends, their parents, other family members, youth leaders, or teachers. And some children don't feel comfortable talking about their problems with anyone. Most children lack emotional coordination and are awkward about their feelings. It takes a patient parent to work with a child who's inexperienced in the emotional department. These kids need a parent willing to draw them out and pursue greater understanding.

In 1 Peter 1:22, Peter told believers how they can have closer relationships: "Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart." That's a helpful command for parents, too We tend to want to keep things moving and keep our day organized and on track. Parents must continually evaluate their choices and decide what issues are most important in family life. As you make those tough trade-offs, be careful not to minimize the value of time well spend on relationship with your kids. Conecting emotionally takes time, but the reward of closer family relationships is great.

Working with Your Child's Emotions

Since the heart is where decisions are formed, commitments made, and beliefs established, your child's emotions become an opportunity for parenting. Many parents are afraid of their children's emotions and try to minimize them. It's true that one parental responsibility is to help our children manage their feelings effectively. But, contrary to popular belief, emotions aren't an enemy. They reveal valuable information about what's going on in the heart.

Many children express their emotions freely, giving parents obvious cues to guide their teaching and correction in this area. Some children, however, are more reserved, processing emotions internally without outbursts, tantrums, or crying episodes. Parents of these children must be even more aware of small cues, engage their children in conversation more often, and look for ways to help their children work through life's challenges without clogging their hearts with unresolved emotional residue.

Excitement uncovers what your children get passionate about. Joy reveals what your kids like. Anxiety discloses where your children feel weak or lack control. Sadness pinpoints pain in a child's life. And anger reveals unmet desires, a hurtful experience, or a violation of what they believe is right. Don't back away from your child's emotional intensity. Instead, figure out what else is going on in the heart.

Of course, that doesn't mean that a child who is upset should be allowed to be unkind or hurtful to others. Children who respond with meanness need discipline, but that's not all they need. They also need care and guidance to deal with their emotions in helpful and productive ways.

One mom tells how she began to work on emotion as well as behavior in her discipline. Her ten-year-old daughter was angry because her mom made her do her homework, wanted to check it, and required that she rewrite it. In the past, Mom's approach would be just to be firm and make her do it. This time, though, Mom decided not to be provoked by the angry outburst. While her daughter was still angry, they sat down at the table and Mom said, "Okay, I'm ready to listen."

"You shouldn't be telling me what to do. You're not my teacher. My teacher doesn't care if I turn it in that way."

Mom slowed down the process by suppressing her own desire to argue. She said, "So you're angry because I'm taking control of your homework."

"Yeah. It's my homework and I'm doing fine in this class."

"Okay, let me explain to you what I'm doing. It's true that I'm letting you manage yourself more, and most of the time you do pretty well. Last week though, you didn't turn in an assignment, so I felt like you needed some help. Furthermore, it looks like you've reduced the quality of your work. You used to be much more careful about doing a good job."

Her daughter was still angry, but Mom's refusal to become emotional herself and her willingness to listen produced some positive results. Mom used her daughter's emotion as a flag to identify a deeper issue. Her daughter's emotion as a flag to identify a deeper issue. Her daughter believed Mom shouldn't be involved in schoolwork and the quality of work didn't matter. Mom was able to challenge both those ideas, but only because she took time to listen and discuss without intensity.

"But I can't have a calm conversation with my kids," you might say. It's true that many families have developed such strong patterns of yelling, arguing, and fighting that change is a challenge. In those cases, larger doses of listening and even breaks in the dialogue that allow the child and parent to think for a bit before returning are necessary to get things back on track.

Emotional intensity signals something significant is going on in the heart. When life is moving at a calm, expected pace, emotions typically bounce around in a small range. It's when things are going exceptionally well or terribly awful or surprises happen (both good and bad) that children react emotionally. The intensity of the highs and lows varies from personality to personality.

Some parents are hesitant to move into this area of emotions because they're afraid it will open the door for their children to be rude, mean, and disrespectful. Children need firmness, and parental control is good for teaching self-control. The heat of the moment is rarely a good time to discuss emotions, but look for other times in life to help children process and understand how they feel.

Kids long to connect with others, but many don't know how. Emotions are an essential tool for understanding and building relationships. Teach your children how to see, understand, control, and relate to emotions and you'll give them a gift they'll use for the rest of their lives.