Challenge Behavior Using a Heart Approach

You may be wondering, "So what do I do when I see problems in my kids? Do I focus on the behavior or the heart issue?"

The answer is both. When you see a behavior problem, ask, "What's the heart issue?" Then develop a strategy that addresses both the heart issues and the behavior.

For example, let's imagine 9 year old Samantha doesn't finish her homework assignments. Her teacher reports her work is sometimes sloppy and done only halfway; other times, it's not handed in at all. As we look at Samantha's life, we see she's also lazy with her chores and gives up easily when struggling with her friend.

The solution for Samantha will be two-sided. The behavior side may include setting up structures to help Samantha succeed. You could monitor her more closely and schedule a specific homework time, provide a quiet place for her to work undistracted, check her homework, and possibly even set up a reward system for when she finishes a job well.

Then, add a heart-focused side to the solution. Work on heart issues seperate from schoolwork. Look for opportunities to build a vision for qualities such as thoroughness, diligence, responsibility, and self-control-and develop them.

The solution needs to acknowledge the behavior problem and work toward different actions. At the same time, the deeper heart issues need to be challenged. By taking a two-pronged approach, you can bring about lasting change while teaching appropriate behavior.

You work with your children's behavior every day. It's part of the job. As you continue to discipline for misbehavior and affirm positive actions, don't forget about the heart. Realize behavior indicates deeper things that need attention or encouragement. On the other hand, identify your kids' heart issues and look for ways to build patterns of behavior that target those heart concerns. By working on both behavior and the heart, you'll achieve maximum change in your children and contribute to their success both internally and externally.