God's Character part 4 God is trustworthy and faithful

When our children turn to God as their Father and begin to rely on his working in and with them, and in their lives, they need to know that he's trustworthy and faithful.

It's impossible to trust someone when you know nothing of his or her character, concern for you, or ability to deliver. To trust someone means that you know, without even having to think about it, that because of his or her character and love for you, that person will always act with your best interests in mind. You know that the person in question is trustworthy. It also means having the confidence that the person you trust is not only able to do what you're trusting him or her to do but will do it, because that person is faithful.

Our children, then, need to know that God loves them and is trustworthy; they can trust him with their lives, knowing that his way is the best way and will make their lives work better. They also need to know that he's faithful; they can put their faith in him and rely on him, day by day, to do what he says he'll do for them as their Father: care for them, provide for them, teach them, direct and encourage them, help them to grow, and so forth.

God's Character part 3 God Understands

God understands. He will always listen, understand, and respond to our children, no matter what happens in their lives. God is always right there for them. He understands everything they feel and go through, and he's always ready to encourage them to go forward, to give them wisdom, and to help them out. God is on their side.

The New Testament book of Hebrews tells us that Jesus is fully sympathetic, understanding even the toughest things we go through because he also went through them. Sometimes we forget that Jesus was once a child and then a teenager. (The Bible even records a time when his parents didn't understand him!) Jesus had to be obedient to his parents, go to school, do chores, and grow up in a community of friends, neighbors, and family. The single incident from Jesus' childhood included in the Bible, something that happened when he was twelve years old, seems to have been recorded to show us that JEsus had to grow up just like everyone else.

Our children can take comfort in the fact that when they pray and talk to God, they have someone listening who's on their side, who completely understands how they feel and what they're going through, and who's ready to help. We have a high priest (Jesus) who can feel it when we are weak and hurting. We have a high priest who has been tempted in every way, just as we are. But he did not sin. So let us boldly approach the throne of grace. Then we will receive mercy. We will find grace to help us when we need it.

God understands us, and our children need to be taught likewise to be understanding of others, because when they love, accept, and forgive others, always trying to understand and to give them the benefit of the doubt, they become the kind of people that others feel good about and want to be with. When people know that our children don't gossip, judge, or say negative things about others, those people can be confident that our kids won't judge them either. When our children learn to be compassionate and understanding of others, many doors in life will be opened to them. Everyone on this planet wants to be loved, understood, and thought well of. When our children know how to imitate their Father with this character trait, and they imitate him from the heart, many of the people they encounter will want to be their friend, will accept them into their group or community, and will hire them, promote them, and honor and respect them. Life works by understanding and compassion.

God's Character part 2: God is Good

God is good, and therefore what he does is good. Our children should understand that God created them for good things. His desire is to be good to our children, to give them good things, and to teach them and help them so that they can have a good life. God isn't a mean and angry God; he's good, kind, and loving, and he acts accordingly.

"The Lord God is like the sun that gives us light. He is like a shield that keeps us safe. The Lord blesses us with favor and honor. He doesn't hold back anything good from those whose lives are without blame." Psalm 84:11

"Lord, you are good. You are forgiving. YOu are full of love for all who call out to you." (Psalm 86:5

"Every good and perfect gift is from God. It comes down from the Father. He created the heavenly lights. He does not change like shadows that move." (James 1:17)

God is good to us- and our children need to be good to others. Being good to others and doing good are keys to a successful, happy life. When our children's intent is to do good to others, people see it in their lives and respect them, trust them, and want to be with them. When they do good to others, they feel great about themselves, and their confidence and self image improve. They gain a feeling of fulfillment; they become more accepted, appreciated, and loved as members of our society; and others want to, and begin to, do good for them. In other words, God rewards them, and us, for doing good to others. "Good" makes life work.

God is the Inventor and Creator of Life

I've already talked a lot about learning, growing, responsibility, and other serious things. Although our kids' spiritual life isn't something we should take lightly, we can get so wrapped up in the seriousness of it all that we end up painting God as a sour faced old school principal who demands that we get serious, sit quietly, and do only what we're told to do.

Did you know God invented: beauty, joy, happiness, humor, laughter, applause, sunshine, entertainment, fun, health, nature, sports, love, friendship, families, conversation, art, drama, music, food, animals, and even hugs?

It's important that we talk about God in relation to the good things in life, that we talk about him during the good times and not just when we need to lecture about right and wrong or struggle with someone's death or sickness or explain why some disaster took place. Our children would quickly get tired of our company if all we did was teach and correct, even if we did it gently. They'd also want to be somewhere else, anywhere else, if we were always mad, upset, or negative.

It's the same with God. We can't get away with talking about God only in bleak terms and in bleak times and still expect our children to be excited about developing a relationship with him. Instead, we should focus on seeing him as the inventor behind life's joys, the one who's throwing the party, not the one who's scolding everyone and sending them home. "God...richly provides us with everything to enjoy" (1 Timothy 6:17)

God is there with us and for us, and he gives us all the good things listed above to enjoy and a whole lot of others that aren't mentioned.

How can I explain to my children what God's character is like?

In some ways, God is veryy different from us. He's God, and he's awesome. He's the creator, and we're creatures. But that doesn't mean that we should talk about God in terms of his being so big and mysterious that we can't possibly understand who he is and what he's like. Even the unique and awesome things about God can be put in simple terms for children to understand.

Yet in many ways God is similar to us, and that's what we should focus on first when we talk to our kids about God. He made us "in his image." People have debated a lot about exactly what that phrase means, but one thing is for sure: everything good that God created as part of who we are is part of who God is, even though he's not limited to or by any of these things.

With God revealing himself as being so similar to us in so many ways, we should be able to avoid talking about God as unknowable and completely mysterious. It's through these similarities that our kids can easily begin to understand who God is and what he's like, and to feel more comfortable with him and relate to him better. Here are some of the ways in which God has shown himself to be similar to us (or rather, ways in which we're similar to God.

1. He's creative: he loves to design and make new things.
2. He's love: He enjoys giving and caring for others.
3. He has emotions: he feels, and he expresses the way he feels.
4. He has a sense of humor: He laughs and has fun.
5. He loves beauty: music and art and nature.
6. He loves being in relationships: He wants to know and be with us, as his children and his friends.
7. He loves wisdom: understanding and knowledge.
8. He talks and things: he plans and builds, and he pursues goals, enjoying work time and rest time in the process.

It's important that our children have an accurate understanding of God's character for three solid reasons. First, in order for them to trust God and develop a relationship with him, they need to know what he's like and what they can expect of him. Second, God created everything, including life itself, in harmony with his character, so understanding his character is essential to a successful life. And third, understanding God's character gives children a picture of what their own character should look like.

How can I motivate my children to want to learn about God?

Children, obey your parents as believers in the Lord. Obey them because it's the right thing to do. Scripture says, "Honor your father and mother." That is the first commandment that has a promise. "Then things will go well with you. You will live a long time on the earth."

For almost two thousand years now, these verses have been a favorite passage of Scripture for every parent who's ever read the Bible. Unfortunately, when we examine the context, we see that these verses arent telling our children that if they agree to do everything we say and make our lives wonderful, God will somehow reward them with a good and long life.

The Apostle Paul quoted these verses, with a few minor changes, from the Old Testament. In their original context Moses was reading God's Law to the Israelites after they left Egypt and before they entered the Promised Land, Canaan. He told the people that if they lived God's way, they would enjoy a long life in the land of Canaan. The adults who listened to Moses (and later to Joshua) all agreed to do things God's way.

The adults were also told to teach their children God's principles, and that too they agreed to do. The children were told to honor and obey their parents, but they were told this in the context of their parents agreement to follow God's principles and to teach those principles to their children. And the children were promised that they would receive the same thing as their parents for following God, a long and hapy life in the Promised Land.

Paul updated the quote by adding the words "in the Lord" - "Children, obey your parents as believers in the Lord"- to show that, just as in the original context, the command still assumes a willingness to do things God's way, on the part of the adults as well as the children.

The interesting thing to note in the verse is that God has given us the way to motivate children and to help them want to learn about him and follow him. And that motivator isn't fear. We need to motivate children with love.

Our goal as parents whould be to help our children know how much God loves them and how much good he wants to do for them, so that they can trust him with every part and every moment of their lives. They should know that they can trust that every decision they make according to his principles and his direction is in the long run the best possible decision they could make; reliance on God takes them on the path to becoming the best possible "them" they can be and to living the best life they can live.

Why do my kids need to develop a relationship with God?

We need to explain to our children the importance of developing a relationship with God. Without that explanation, our children can get the idea that the whole activity is just some religious thing that you want them to do sot hat they'll behave themselves.

We need to explain to our children that God wants to be the most awesome loving Father they can possibly imagine. He wants to help them in every possible way. Have your children imagine the benefits of being a child of the richest, most powerful, and wisest person who ever lived, who also happens to be the greatest parent who ever lived.

This means that we also need to let our children know that God created us with the right to choose and the ability to learn and grow, to excel and succeed. God didn't make us robots. He creted us as his children, with dignity and honor. But with that dignity and privilege comes the responibility to learn and to grow.

God created many parts of life in which we, like artists, are free to express individuality and personal differences and tastes. But in order for our lives to be secure and happy, he created many things that are foundational, that give our lives a framework. Gravity isn't just a nice idea; it's a law without which life couldn't function. Yes, it limits the directions in which we can fall to a single one: down. But it's that very limitation that keeps us from having to float after anything we happen to let go of, freeing us up to do more important things.

Similarly, God has given foundational principles for things like behavior, attitude, character, and relationships- rules that, if followed, free us up to be the best person we can be. He wants us to learn and understand these principles so that we can experience the awesome privilege that he gave us when he created us- for us to be his children and for him to be our Father. His plan wasn't to create us and then disappear; his plan was to be with us and to help us learn and grow, achieve and be happy. He gave us life, but he also gave us himself as our Father so that we could learn from him. After all, we're made like him.

How can I explain "a relationship with God" to my children?

The most effective way to teach and train children anything is to help them understand why you're teaching them and how you plan to do it, and to proceed not by simply telling them what you want them to learn and do but by working with them and making learning a joint responsibility. The first step in the big picture. You're children need to know that you love them, that you want them to have the best possible life, and that it's therefore your job to teach them, train them, discipline them, and help them grow in every area so that they can have a good life. If they understand your motivation, they won't feel that you're just someone put on earth to make them miserable every time you try to help them grow in a particular area.

By way of illustration, let's tackle the mess that our kids call a room, about as down to earth as you can get. Children are generally convinced that the reason you nag them about their room is because you're a hopeless neat freak who doesn't know how to relax. And the whole issue tends to become a battle of wills: you think the room should be clean; they think it doesn't matter.

But if you take the time to explain and to train- to tell them how important it is to learn to clean up after themselves and organize their space as a life habit, and why those things are important- you can get your children to see that you're all on the same side, working together. You might explain, for example, that cleaning as they go is easier, saves time,a nd makes life more pleasant. Furthermore, by learning to organize and clean their room, they'll begin to develop the life skills of organization and discipline that will help them in every area of life. Explain to them that if we learn valuable life skills while our responsibilities are small, then life is easier to conquer as the responsibilities grow. Of course your explanation must be adapted to each kids individual personality.

But regardless of age or personality, the basic point remains the same: once the picture is painted properly and your children see that the training is for their sake and not yours, they're able to join in and develop their own motivation and sense of responsibility for the process.

Let's move from messy rooms back to spiritual growth. The same foundational parenting principle applies here as well: your children need to know that there's a reason, a purpose, a goal, and a benefit to building their spiritual life. (Actually, it's easier to explain a relationship with God and have your children respond to his love than it is to explain the reasons and benefits for keeping their bedrom clean and have them respond to your gentle but ever so persistent reminders)

How can I teach my kids about God when I don't know much about the Bible?

Many of us feel that our own lack of understanding, or the fact that we struggle with our own spiritual life and relationship with God, will prevent us from successfully teaching our kids about God. Surprisingly, the opposite may be true.

Let me illustrate with a well known old Testament story of Exodus from Egypt. The Israelites who left Egypt under Moses were anything but the perfect picture of strong faith and spiritual understanding. They were stiffnecked (stubborn) and ended up wandering around in the wilderness for forty years because they had trouble trusting God and doing things his way.

But, and this is what's surprising, their children grew up to be one of the most outstanding examples of a generation of Israelites who got it right. They successfully took the Promised Land. They consistently followed God and his principles and for the most part enjoyed successful lives.

Their kids, on the other hand, the third generation, went right back to being like the generation that left Egypt. The stubborn, stiffnecked Israelites raised a generation of kids who got it right, and the generation that got it right raised kids who messed up royally.

When I first saw this piece of history I found it confusing. It would seem logical that parents who know, trust, and follow God would have kids who do the same, while parents who don't would have children who don't. What's the explanation? It's the stubborn, stiffnecked Israelites didn't stay that way. The story shows that they began to learn and to grow and to change. Although they often got it wrong, they were continually moving in the right direction, and their children saw the results of bad choices and the results of good choices. Those children grew up seeing their parents struggle and grow with God.

But when they themselves grew up, they got comfortable in their relationship with GOd and failed to teach their children about him, probably assuming that understanding would happen automatically.

The encouragement in this story is that perhaps the best way for us to teach our children about God and followship his ways is to grow with them. Sometimes we think that in order to teach our children spiritual things we need to be perfect. But our children live with us; they know we're far from perfect! And even if we're doing well, we should never stop growing. As we trust God to change and lead us, we can share with our children what we learned and how we learned it, and they can grow with us.

If, as you read this, you find yourself in the position of that first generation of Israelites, talk to God and ask him to help you learn and grow and to give you the wisdom to help your children do the same, alongside you.

Dads...Want to leave a legacy? Affirm your children

Every dad leaves a legacy. The only question is what kind. The first step to leaving a positive legacy is to love your wife. For some readers that already has not worked out. That does not mean that you cannot leave a good legacy. There are many ways to redeem the father/child relationship. The second part of leaving a legacy that endures is to be an encouragement to your kids. Paul wrote this simple instruction to the church at Colossae. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

The Message translates this verse like this….Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits.

I cannot remember hearing a lot of teaching on that verse over the years. It is really easy in this success mad culture to discourage your children. Nearly every dad wants his child to be successful. What is wrong with that desire? There is nothing wrong if we balance that desire with love and encouragement and awareness of your child’s unique design. Sometimes we forget the journey we have traveled in our own lives. Frank Clark said that “a father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be." Ouch.

I came into this whole Dad thing wanting a star athlete or a brilliant scholar. But I had forgotten one little detail. Where did I expect they would dig up those genes to be an All-American quarterback or Rhodes Scholar? I deepened my gene pool considerably when I married Nancy but she can only contribute so much.

When Scripture says that God is our Father, it is telling us that emotional needs can be met by Him. This is where our role as Christian dads becomes so important. There are no perfect earthly dads. But it is critical that we understand the impact that we have on our child’s relationship with God. Some may find it hard to get excited about the scriptural descriptions of God as a father because of the imperfect models of fatherhood they have experienced here on earth.

Some remember a father who was too wrapped up in his job, his buddies, and his hobbies to provide much support or affirmation. He might have been one of those men who believed that their only job was to bring home a paycheck, while Mom was responsible for everything else. Others might recall a dad that was demanding, cold, and unapproachable. Children can tend to transpose their father experience when they think of God as Father. Harold S. Hubert said that “children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.” That is grace. That helps a child to understand how they can receive God’s love.

I have talked to many men my age who are still desperate for the approval of their fathers. And I know that is true for women as well. Jim Valvano, the now deceased coach, said "My father gave me the greatest gift that anyone could give another person, he believed in me."

Don't EXPECT your children to be perfect. Don't expect them to meet all of your expectations. Don’t expect them to fulfill all of your goals for them…to be what you want them to be. Be grateful for the unique way God designed your kids. Too many fathers try to live out their own lives through their children. Every child is different. They are not a clone of you (Thank God!).

All children want the approval of their fathers. I am not talking about the ridiculous and disingenuous "you are the best at everything" drivel that some parents spew. Eventually the child will figure out that you are not being authentic. I am talking about affirming what is true about their unique design. Affirmations like "you are kind.""You are creative.""You are honest."But mainly your child needs to hear this. "You are enough. I love you for who you are."
If you have not done so, I encourage you to give the gift of approval. Give your children the gift of believing in them. Step 2 to leaving a positive legacy as a dad is simple. Encourage your children. Affirm them with grace and honesty. You will be amazed at the power of that simple act.

Isolated Children

From the double-edged sword of new technologies to the omnipresent media, today's children are facing unique challenges. And they often face those challenges alone—without input and guidance from adults.

Today, children and teenagers can go through days, if not weeks, without ever spending meaningful time with adults. The typical child wakes up, goes to school, and then to an extracurricular activity. They spend the majority of their waking hours interacting with other kids or teens. If your child is like many today, he or she may not even eat with the family, but instead eat dinner while watching TV. After dinner, there is homework or chatting on the phone or online with—again—people their same age.

And what about Sundays at church? Even there, your child may attend a youth worship service, attend Sunday school, or go to kids church—again, away from the influence of adults.
The result is that children and teenagers—who desperately need the input, modeling, molding, and love of adults at this critical stage of life—are almost entirely devoid of meaningful interaction.

But even when we adults do interact with our teens and children, are we providing the kind of love and truth that is vital to their lives and to their souls? Of those teens in high school who profess faith, surveys by the George Barna group indicate that somewhere around 85 percent of "born again" teens do not believe in absolute truth. Nearly 50 percent said Jesus sinned during His earthly life.

It is no wonder we are losing them. Voddie Baucham, author of Family-Driven Faith, suggests the reason: "Their religion is largely ambiguous . . . due in large part to the lack of time and attention devoted to spiritual matters compared to other activities." Baucham quotes from the National Study of Youth and Religion, which says, "When it comes to the formation of the lives of youth, viewed sociologically, faith communities typically get a very small seat at the end of the table . . . dominated structurally by more powerful and vocal actors."

That's the reason teens can tell you more about the lives of their favorite TV characters than about David, Jesus, or Paul. It is why they may know more about global warming and STDs than about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Meanwhile, parents may show more concern over their child making good grades than on forming Christ-like character. In fact, another George Barna survey found, astoundingly, that only half of the Christian parents surveyed thought that their children having a relationship with Christ was as important as a good education. My goodness.

Clearly, it is time to knock down the walls that separate us from our children and teenagers—both at church and at home. As moms and dads, you must reclaim the God-appointed role of spiritually parenting your children and teens in a biblical worldview. What are you going to do about it?

Sorry

Sorry everyone that I haven't posted in a long time. I am not good with remembering things, just ask my wife. I went to kids camp which was awesome and I would recomend that every parent get their child to go to camp. Anyway, I went to camp and came back and totally forgot my password to this blog. Well, today I finally figured it out. I will now be able to get back into blogging. If you have any comments or suggestions please feel free to