Motivating the Unmotivated Child

The Bible tells us of people who needed a little extra motivation to get moving in the right direction. God often came alongside people such as Moses, Elijah, and Jacob to motivate them to take initiative when they might not have done so otherwise. In Judges 6, Gideon asked God questions, and it's as if God had to talk him into leading the people. He even used fleeces to make sure God wanted him to take leadership.

Sometimes people who are unmotivated to take action are quick to complain. It's much easier to criticise, whine, and point out the problem than to offer constructive advice and become part of the solution.

Eight-year old Martin had a lot of complaints. Problems were never his fault, and he seemed to be able to point out others' weaknesses rather easily. Dad challenged his son one day by saying, "There are two kids of people in the world: whiners and solvers. People in our office at work have complained for weeks that the office schedule disappears and people can't find it. Today I created a red folder for the schedule and a place to keep it. People are pleased because this will help solve the problem of the missing schedule." Dad was trying to get Martin to consider his own whining and complaining and teach him to take action instead.

Even unmotivated people wrestle with issues and questions in their hearts, although you may not see it as clearly as in the strong-willed child. Some children process things more internally and aren't as transparent. These children appear complaint, allowing others to make decisions or take the lead, but their anger may be growing inside. The child may not know how to respond and choose to brood instead.

Fear of failure may keep un unmotivated child from taking action. Some kids want everything perfect before they'll take the first step. Unlike the strong-willed child, who often learns by jumping in and making mistakes, the unmotivated child will hold back until more parts of the plan become obvious.

Hannah, age nine, is shy and rarely tries new things. She is hesitant to take on an instrument at school, doesn't want to play on a sports team, and won't attempt the extra credit project for science class. Hannah is not a behavior problem, but Mom is concerned because Hannah lacks initiative and isn't going anywhere in life.

Mom realized Hannah had a heart issue that was keeping her from many good things in life. Mom began to challenge her daughter in some positive ways. They talked about the benefits of initiative, and Mom required that her daughter do the extra credit assignment at school. Mom also shared Scripture with her daughter about people who stepped out of their comfort zone. Mom praised Hannah for small steps of initiative with her friends and at church. Mom knows that Hannah has a long way to go in this area, but she's not allowing the lack of behavior problems to prevent her from moving forward with her daughter.

Sometimes parents overlook the unmotivated child because she isn't causing any trouble, generally gets along with people, and appears easygoing. It may be more difficult to know what's going on in this child's heart, requiring extra work and effort. Give your children opportunity to test out new things without criticism. Failure is often a good teacher. Making mistakes is part of growth.