Top 10 Things I learnt about Toddlerhood so far

1. "Dog whisperer" should be referenced often, especially the part of being the "pack leader".

2. Keep things educational. Instead of saying "Don't lick the door", say "Don't lick that RED door that is shaped like a RECTANGLE".

3. Don't worry about milestones. Very few adults still wear pampers and suck on their thumbs.

4. Leave negotiating for the movies with bad plots. To get results, see #1.

5. Stop taking 5000 pictures of your kid. Put your camera down for a moment. Capture the moment in your mind: the way he smells, the light in his eyes, the pure goodness of it all. THAT is the place you will go to when you are 100 years old and peacefully dying in your sleep.

6. Remember how good it felt when your parents said "Good job. I am proud of you". Yea...me neither. So, do it for YOUR kid and do it often.

7. Be really good to his nanny, his daycare, his neighbors. They all have a part in NOT making him a serial killer one day.

8. Create a world with your kid that is purely yours, the language that only two of you speak, the story that you imagined together. That is his real comfort blanket.

9. Stop worrying about crayon marks on your wall, cheerios all over the floor and poop in your hair. One day you will nostalgically smile thinking of all those things.

10. Be just a little bit silly. After all you just got a green light to relive your childhood.

Understanding Attitudes and How to Change Them

"Attitude" is a shorthand term used to summarize many different feelings, thoughts, and behaviors all at the same time. Various triggers provoke attitudes and simply hearing a word or seeing a signal can change a person's perspective. All Mom has to do is say Derek?! with that certain voice, for instance, and Derek knows she is going to ask him to do something. He responds with a disgusted groan.

Victoria gets to school and sees a pink slip taped to her locker again. She doesn't even read it but rolls her eyes and moans, knowing that it's a call to the office. Triggers like these quickly move people into attitudes that in part determine how they’ll respond to a situation.

Attitudes actually have three components: behavior, emotion, and beliefs. Each of these components can be useful in the change process. The behavior is the flag that tells you there’s a problem. Emotion adds energy to the situation and helps to determine when’s the best time to address the issue, and the beliefs tell you what needs to be addressed on a heart level.

Many parents only focus on the first component, behavior, telling kids to "stop pouting," or "Don't roll your eyes at me." Furthermore, these parents tend to focus only on what not to do instead of what the child should do. It usually isn't helpful just to tell a child to "Stop having a bad attitude" without giving more guidance for developing a better response.

Remember that the goal of discipline is not just to make your children less annoying. As you correct your children for bad attitudes, you are preparing them for the future. After all, they will experience similar situations continually throughout their lives.

Look for ways to help your children think differently. Listening carefully to your child can help you identify thinking errors that lead to a bad attitude. What hidden belief might Jeremy, age ten, have? He complains and argues when you ask him to do the dishes? Maybe he believes, "Chores are an interruption to my life and not my responsibility." If pressed, he may also reveal a belief, "All work is hard and unpleasant, and I must try to avoid it." A positive attitude about work comes from several new values such as "Work is necessary in order to brings benefits to me and to others" and "My contribution to family life is a statement of gratefulness for what I have."

Changing attitudes requires exposure to new ways of thinking. You can provoke your children to more healthy attitudes through dialogue, modeling, and correction. But remember, heart change takes time. We can change behavior quickly, but heart change goes deeper and lasts longer.

But My Anger is Justified

Some view their anger as justified because they are right and others are wrong. They believe that being right is the only ticket required to launch into an adult temper tantrum. But saying "He made me angry" implies that external events require emotional intensity. The dad who links the trigger (what "made" him angry) and response (what he does with his anger) too closely ends up believing that others have made him the way he is.

When parents do this, they often blame their kids for problems and rarely take responsibility for their own emotions. In many cases, of course, the child is indeed wrong. It isn't helpful, though, to expect our children to bear the responsibility of our anger in addition to what they did wrong. The mom who says, "I wouldn't have to get angry if my kids who listen the first time," has fallen into the trap of blaming her children for her angry responses.

The truth of the matter is that it doesn't take much intelligence to see something wrong, but it takes wisdom to know ho to respond to it. There's a big difference between a button that pops up on a turkey to announce that it's done and a cook who knows how to make a great dinner. Some people are like those little turkey buttons- whenever something goes wrong they pop up with angry reactions and they try to justify abusiveness because they see a problem.

It's not enough to be right in life; parents also need to be wise. Real wisdom knows how to respond in a way that brings change, not revenge. As parents, we don't just want to punish our kids for doing something wrong; we want to help them change their hearts. Anger may reveal what's wrong, but it's rarely a good solution to a problem. Once you identify an offense, it's best to consider how to motivate change.

Is Your Child a Daniel or a Samson?

Daniel was a good-looking young man and quite skilled and intelligent, qualified to serve in the king's court. He also was a young man of conviction, determined to do what's right yet creative and respectful with authority. God blessed him and he advanced to a high position in the kingdom.

Samson was also a good-looking young man and quite skilled and intelligent. But he was demanding, selfish, and lacked personal conviction. He was determined to do the wrong thing and had a particular weakness when it came to relationships with women.

All parents wish their children were like Daniel, but some kids are more like Samson and require strong-willed parents to guide them to adulthood. If your child seems bent on doing the wrong thing, here are some parenting strategies you'll want to keep in mind.

1. Pray diligently
2. Work on building a strong relationship.
3. Enforce firm boundaries and talk about your convictions.
4. Have a good correction plan.
5. Help children see long-term consequences.
6. Use a crisis for good.
7. Be bold enough to say "no".

Raising a strong-willed child to be a Daniel isn't easy, but your planning, strategizing, prayer, and hard work will bring results and bless your child for years to come. When you focus on the conscience, good things happen!

What's In Your Attic

In a few weeks my parents are moving to a new house in IL. They are going crazy packing and preparing for the move.

Every cabinet needs to be cleaned out... ever drawer organized... every closet purged. Only one space remains.

The attic.

The attic is a place we don't venture often. In fact, I have never been in the attic of my house.

Who knows what is up there. Initially we stick things up there to get them out of the way, but eventually we forget it even exists.

Items that once were so necessary now sit amidst insulation and dust.

Things we no longer use and clearly no longer need. Yet we still hang on to.

Purging is a difficult, freeing, beautiful process. A method by which the unnecessary is removed in order to make room for the necessary.

I don't like the idea of cleaning out my attic. But I like the idea of moving all this excess with us even less.

So purging is what I do. LIke it or not.

Throughout the Old Testament we see purging as a critical step to moving forward. God did not allow His people to advance before removing the impurities first.

Growth is hindered when junk is in the way.

With this in mind it would be wise to take time out to allow God to purge some things in my spiritual attic. Though the process is uncomfortable... the growth on the other side is immeasurably worth it.