Strong Willed Kids

Children who make decisions with intensity tend to be called "strong willed." At the end of the day, their parents feel as if they've been engaged in hand-to-hand combat for hours and the children often win! All children fall somewhere between strong willed and unmotivated, depending on their intensity level about life. Strong-willed kids are generally determined, highly motivated, persistent, and not easily persuaded once they've made up their minds. Most parents consider a strong will a negative personality trait because it often creates resistance and frustration in family life.

Four year old Michael wouldn't stay in bed. Mom had to send him back to bed several times each night. She said "This is torture. Even if I yell and get angry, it doesn't seem to faze him. Nothing I do works. It's not fair. I work with him all day. I ought to get a little relief in the evening before I go to bed myself."

Michael's mom is right that her son should go to bed and not keep getting up. She had to show him that she meant business and was firm.

A strong will keeps a child moving in a certain direction in spite of obstacles. Often these children need bigger barriers or tighter limits to teach them that those boundaries are firm. On the other hand, the strong willed child accomplishes things in life, because the roadblocks that might hold others back are no match for this kid's determination.

Joe, age eleven, found an injured cat in the neighborhood. He felt sorry for the cat and was determined to help it get well. He put the cat in a box, carried it home, and pleaded with Mom to take it to the vet. He fed the animal with an eye dropper and watched it inently for days. Eventually the cat did get well; but only because Joe didn't give up.

Joe's strong will was fed by his heart. He had compassion, valued life, and took on the challenge. His intensity paid off; but even if the cat had died, Joe was doing what he believed was right.

Children with strong wills have the potential to become the next generation of leaders. They have their own ideas and plans. They know what they want. They're persistent, confident, passionate, and determined to succeed at whatever they choose to do. Leaders have an agenda, look for ways to incorporate others into their plans, and have a higher need for control in life. Balanced with graciousness, leaders become a treasure because they make things happen, create organization out of chaos, and motivate people to action.

Unfortunately, it's hard to raise a leader. These kids always have their own ways of doing things and like to tell other people (including their parents) what to do. Many parents of strong-willed children wish their kids were more compliant. Yet, in reality, it's the strong-willed kids who are often better equipped to succeed, be creative, and face adversity.

Of course, a strong-willed child can also be defiant and rebellious. Many prisons are full of strong-willed people. The key, of course, is something deeper than the will. it's the heart. When the heart is in the right place, it guides the will in the right direction.