Use Open Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are great tools for teaching children how to think and for getting quiet kids to talk more. An open-ended question is one that requires a longer answer than "yes," "no," or "I don't know."

"What seems to be the matter?" "What are you going to do about it?" "Why is this happening?" When children respond with "I don't know," be careful about launching into a lecture. Lectures can hinder the process of discovery.

Rachel's mom may see her withdraw from the other children and say, "Rachel, it looks like you're having a problem. Come tell me about it." Each child handles frustration differently. Some children will come to parents to solve their problems. Others will just live with the frustration of having them unsolved. Either way, asking open-ended questions can help to move children through a problem-solving process.

If you see your child struggling with a friend, you may say, "Is everything alright?" If Bobby comes to you, reporting that he can't find his boots, you might ask, "When did you have them last?" Or if Kelly complains that she has nothing to do, you could ask, "What kinds of things do you like to do?"

The goal is to get children thinking for themselves, not just wallowing in the problem or bringing it to you for you to solve. The child who has math homework but left the math book at school, you might say, "Wow, that's a problem. What are you going to do?" Or, "Yes, you have a problem. What are you going to do about it?"

The goal isn't harshness but just solving children's problems isn't helpful either. Open-ended questions can do a lot to get conversations started so that real dialogue and teaching can take place.


This parenting tip comes from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.