Dads...Want to leave a legacy? Affirm your children

Every dad leaves a legacy. The only question is what kind. The first step to leaving a positive legacy is to love your wife. For some readers that already has not worked out. That does not mean that you cannot leave a good legacy. There are many ways to redeem the father/child relationship. The second part of leaving a legacy that endures is to be an encouragement to your kids. Paul wrote this simple instruction to the church at Colossae. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

The Message translates this verse like this….Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits.

I cannot remember hearing a lot of teaching on that verse over the years. It is really easy in this success mad culture to discourage your children. Nearly every dad wants his child to be successful. What is wrong with that desire? There is nothing wrong if we balance that desire with love and encouragement and awareness of your child’s unique design. Sometimes we forget the journey we have traveled in our own lives. Frank Clark said that “a father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be." Ouch.

I came into this whole Dad thing wanting a star athlete or a brilliant scholar. But I had forgotten one little detail. Where did I expect they would dig up those genes to be an All-American quarterback or Rhodes Scholar? I deepened my gene pool considerably when I married Nancy but she can only contribute so much.

When Scripture says that God is our Father, it is telling us that emotional needs can be met by Him. This is where our role as Christian dads becomes so important. There are no perfect earthly dads. But it is critical that we understand the impact that we have on our child’s relationship with God. Some may find it hard to get excited about the scriptural descriptions of God as a father because of the imperfect models of fatherhood they have experienced here on earth.

Some remember a father who was too wrapped up in his job, his buddies, and his hobbies to provide much support or affirmation. He might have been one of those men who believed that their only job was to bring home a paycheck, while Mom was responsible for everything else. Others might recall a dad that was demanding, cold, and unapproachable. Children can tend to transpose their father experience when they think of God as Father. Harold S. Hubert said that “children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.” That is grace. That helps a child to understand how they can receive God’s love.

I have talked to many men my age who are still desperate for the approval of their fathers. And I know that is true for women as well. Jim Valvano, the now deceased coach, said "My father gave me the greatest gift that anyone could give another person, he believed in me."

Don't EXPECT your children to be perfect. Don't expect them to meet all of your expectations. Don’t expect them to fulfill all of your goals for them…to be what you want them to be. Be grateful for the unique way God designed your kids. Too many fathers try to live out their own lives through their children. Every child is different. They are not a clone of you (Thank God!).

All children want the approval of their fathers. I am not talking about the ridiculous and disingenuous "you are the best at everything" drivel that some parents spew. Eventually the child will figure out that you are not being authentic. I am talking about affirming what is true about their unique design. Affirmations like "you are kind.""You are creative.""You are honest."But mainly your child needs to hear this. "You are enough. I love you for who you are."
If you have not done so, I encourage you to give the gift of approval. Give your children the gift of believing in them. Step 2 to leaving a positive legacy as a dad is simple. Encourage your children. Affirm them with grace and honesty. You will be amazed at the power of that simple act.